5) talk about how you don't plan on releasing any more stuff for the next few years atleast, because you've "taken things as far as they can go". of course this is a lie, asplans for your next double 10" picture disc in silkscreened burlap and gauze with rosepetals with accompanying honey-laced acetate with etched b-side are well under way.for the experts: announce that you're changing the name of your "project" so that"something new" may be "reborn" from the "ashes" and take you in "new directions" (thereis no need to actually make your new recordings sound any different from the old)
8) collaborate with anyone and everyone you've ever heard of, insist it's just you two"having fun in the studio", then release it as a high-priced limited edition.for the experts: in interviews, mention that you're friends with boyd rice.
(how to run a label, manage your band's personal affairs, and properly indicate that yourrecords sell for three digit prices on ebay)or, as you would probably call it, TAKTIKAL PROTOKOL GOVERNING THEE OPERATIONS OV ALUKRATIVE ANARKO-KOLLEKTIVIST FOUNDATION IN THEE MODERN AGE OV PROPAGANDA DISSEMINATIONVIA ELEKTRONIK CHANNELS, DETAILING ALL NECESSARY AKTIONS PERTAINING TO THEE GENERATION OVKAPITAL AT A RATE RIVALING MANY LARGE KOMMERCIAL BUSINESSES
if you wish to use actual words in your band name, make sure you're notgerman, then give your band a german name.
3) describe every wimpy, uninspired release in bombastic terms... it is a "harsh,unrelenting assault" of "mayhemic electronics" (or, for a metal band, a "blastingprogression of mind-altering riffs"). wallow in masochistic fantasies, tell everyone howyou feel like you've been ass-raped and "pummeled" repeatedly by the "brutal, insensitivesonic attack" until you collapsed in a whimpering heap, unable to move, save to press the"repeat" button. if the release is so wimpy that you can't bring yourself to describe itin such a way, talk about how it brought you "to the depths of despair" and had youreaching for sharp objects with which to slit your wrists and "end it all."for the experts: anything involving a keyboard, or released in europe, is "powerelectronics" (you will always write the phrase as two separate words, and if you'rereally an assmunch, you'll capitalize them).
if you consider yourself an "artist"/"musician"/whatever, and also write for orpublish a magazine, hire a stooge. a stooge is someone who writes reviews for yourmagazine, but only of releases you were involved in. as much as you'd like to review yourown boring releases, even you realize how pathetic that would be. nonetheless, manymorons are fooled by the stooge routine. astoundingly, of the ten or so releases givenhighest praise in each issue, six or more will be your projects.
